A Lament For Vampires

Vampires
Follically challenged pale face creatures
With orthodontic problems
I am disappointed
And excuse the pun but you… suck
Who took away your undead soul?
Oh I remember that full moon
Looming just above dark forests
Menacing winds hissing through trees
The thunder of horses’ hooves with the rattle of a carriage
Along a desolate road,
Slow… wild…manes billowing high
Ooow oooooow of an owl
A nervous passenger staring out the window
Regretting his decision to travel on this night
With the bats screaming overhead
Feeling the cold ice of your presence
Yet still hoping…it was only his imagination
At the crossroads, the coach stops
The door creaks open…and no one is there
“Out,” the driver says, deep and controlled.
“We travel no farther this night…another carriage will come at daylight.”
The passenger protests in vain, as some long extended arm
pushes him out the door and he falls to the ground.
The carriage takes off…silently this time and disappears into the night.
A lone wolf calls, as the winds rise
He shivers, cowering against the night
And then…from nowhere… you emerge with a hiss…
Now you’re just as likely to be standing at the cosmetic counter
Of a department store trying out new hair products
Consulting a plastic surgeon for the latest chiselled look
Wearing Armani suits and having dental surgery
And god forbid acting like a spoilt rich celebrity
I bet you even have a gym membership
What happened???
Marketing?
Like everything…stick into a slick sexy package
And give it a one word label
Twilight
Oh dear…
Well…goodbye you vile creature of the night
No longer do the wolves make sweet music
And if you don’t mind, my carriage awaits
I doubt there’ll be anything to worry about this night.

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23 thoughts on “A Lament For Vampires

  1. stephanie meyer happened…and ruined vampires everywhere…now they are teen heart throb models with poor dialogue….sad…so sad….but then again casting tom cruise as well…ugh…..like a stake through the heart…smiles. i like your take…

  2. ha nice…i haven’t seen twilight but heard very different opinions about it…like your take a lot…heck…let the vampires be REAL vampires again…yes

  3. “Follically challenged … With orthodontic problems” … Ha!

    “The thunder of horse’s hooves” … Your apostrophe is in the wrong place here: horses’

    And this should be “farther” not “further” … “We travel no further”

    I like this: “No longer do the wolves make sweet music”

    Why is everyone always knocking Twilight? I love the books, especially Eclipse.

  4. Haha… Yes, Twilight put the Vampires image back ….a heck of a lot. Nicely said. My teen nagged me to read the books and I was halfway through the second one before it even became remotely interesting. LOL Enjoyed this 🙂

    • The True Blood television series floored me… I only managed to watch about 5 min…it was cringe worthy…no self respecting vampire would dribble so much blood down the front of their clothes… days of our undead lives…awful!

      • Dad would be so upset with you. He absolutely adores Sookie!! Quite partial to Eric myself. True Blood forever!!

      • Sookie is a part fairy empath. She likes vampires because they are quiet in her head, eveyone else she can hear what they are thinking. Drives her crazy. The most evil beings in Sookie world are fairies!! They even made me sick [in the books!!] Of course I’ve read the books, i always read the books first!

  5. LOL, the line” and you suck” I like this a lot, and vampires are now glamorous and not as sexy, and mysterious as they use to be, nor as manly either. I’am on your side though I like the first two twilight books. but you hit home for me. Thanks

  6. HA! Loved it–especially the gym membership! You set the atmosphere up perfectly too–what once was frightening and simple is now overworked and artificial and trite, and at least to me, all about sex in an angsty, boring sort of way. Very good piece for the prompt, and on its own merit.

  7. The vampire that most of the younger demographic know now is not the horrific, legendary creature, but a pale imitation of itself. How tragic it is. But perhaps poetry, as I’ve read tonight, can re-elevate the mythos back to its prominent place among the most evocative of all horror archetypes.

  8. I too have enjoyed the dark, original spins that have re-created the traditional vampire in the rounds today …wouldn’t it be lovely if we could restore the legendary creature from the modern shallow… as you say imitation, we see most frequently portrayed today!

  9. PC. Well I guess you told them. haven’t read the Twilight series, but judging from your fang-in-cheek piece, I’m not missing much. So, you’re saying they’ve traded menacing sensuality for ….well, I don’t know what? Anyway, as usual, very well written and clever. Vb

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