Unsettled Day

As I drive over the bridge, Vincent clouds swirl high

folding in over each other and building themselves

up to reach the heavens, far above the blue sky

 

dark clouds surround, closing in, as the sun shelves

its ideas for another time, for the rain has its own game

to play, drawing its dark curtain down upon the day

 

pulled in on whips of wind, the drama lashes out the same

old changing scheme and along the shore of Moreton bay

pelicans hunker down, bracing themselves against the cold

 

snapping bites of air, on which sea eagles effortlessly glide

ducks bob on choppy waves, scavenging morsels the waters hold

stilts and spoonbills commune, together as one they gracefully slide

 

into the warmth behind the mangrove forest wall

the best place to be when the rain begins to fall

 

 

Second attempt: hopefully Terza Rima Sonnet ??

 

 

Unsettled Day aba bcb cdc ded ee.

As I drive over the bridge Vincent clouds swirl

Folding in on each other building up themselves

They billow up toward heaven like big stormy curls

 

as the dark clouds close in, the warm sun shelves

ideas for the day as the rain begins his time to play

with the dark curtain falling, downward it delves

 

while whips of wind lash the shore with salt spray

the pelicans hunker down to beat off the cold

as they take on the head wind accosting the bay

 

ducks brave rough waters after the morsels it holds

and sea eagles glide on the wind as it whirls

spoonbills band together as the weather unfolds

 

taking shelter in the mangroves knotted with burls

the only place to be when bad weather unfurls

 

Well better late than never!! This is my attempt at a Terza Rima Sonnet for form for all at dversepoets  

Advertisements

18 thoughts on “Unsettled Day

  1. as the sun shelves its ideas….cool personification….had never heard of vincent clouds….tried to look it up but only found pics…cool…love the energy and motion in this…you really worked the form well…we had nasty storms here tonight…knocked out power and net for a while as i think lighting hit something nearby…safe is a good place to be…smiles.

  2. Quite a vivid description of the bay, the storm, and the birdlife. We all need a place of safety when the storms hit, don’t we. We also had a terrrific storm today, with furious winds, flooding rain, and an intense hailstorm. I could only marvel at it from the safety of an open door. Way to tackle the terza rima sonnet.

  3. so very visual…the vincent clouds…how the sea eagles glide…the storm…and now i wanna go into the warmth behind the mangrove forest wall as well…smiles

  4. Sorry Di, but here comes the form critique; your rhyme scheme is not terza rima. Terza rima sonnets require a rhyme scheme of aba bcb cdc ded ee – and, if you’re really clever, the e rhyme is the same as the a rhyme, thus closing the loop in the poem. What you have is aba bcd cde fef gg which is an interesting rhyme scheme, but not terza rima. Your meter is pretty variable too, which affects the rhythm of the poem.

    That was the bad news; now to the good.

    This is a lovely poem! The description of the coming storm, the bay, the birds – all are fabulous. You transported me from a cold, grey, wet and windy Scottish morning to warm, wet and windy Australia with your words.

      • Tony put my new write up, with the correct rhyming scheme…was so annoyed at myself for missing it. Whether it’s a good sonnet…well that’s a whole different story! 🙂

    • Oh dear… silly me…I should have checked the rhyme scheme first…thought I had it … I might have a go at re-writing it in the correct form anyway thank you for the critique gives me something to work on!

      • The re-write has exactly the right rhyme scheme for terza rima – you’ve even managed to ‘close the loop’ by using the same rhyme in the opening tercet and the closing couplet.

        I’m going to admit a preference for the original, Shakespearean sonnet, which seems to flow more easily to me.

  5. rewriting is great fun, so you have done yourself a favour here.

    You will end up with two beauties for the price of one thought.
    And what a thought it is: starting with the clouds and going done to the water’s edge. Great weather poem, with such marvellous observation.

  6. Di, love both poems ~ The rewrite is excellent, following the rhyming pattern ~

    I too would love to be lost amidst the mangrooves, the place to be when rain falls ~

    Have a good weekend ~

    Grace

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s